So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
