If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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