are you still at the devil's house?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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