The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i came on her dog
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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