It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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