I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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