i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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