you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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