Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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