Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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