I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
