the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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