So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
