3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
