I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
