I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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