maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
