I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
