Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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