I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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