just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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