I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
