I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
