I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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