Umm I'm too high to move.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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