take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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