I'm jealous of your bromance
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize