I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
