someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
