dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
