so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
