you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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