i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
