I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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