wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
