mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
