I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
