So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
