I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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