Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
