i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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