I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
