I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
