i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
