Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
