I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Houston, we have a blender
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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