I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize