doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
