I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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