on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
