Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
