When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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