Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
