Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
