I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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