Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up under a house in Key West
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