you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
