Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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