I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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