One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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