why didn't you poke me back
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize