How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
