Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
