officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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