At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
