Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
These tits shall not be calmed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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