I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
