i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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