Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
