I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
