It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
