So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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