also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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