I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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