It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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