We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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