i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
