Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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