I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
