Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
