he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had sex on a dog bed..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
