I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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