our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
