look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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