I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
