I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
